It's Official!

As of about 2 am MST I officially became a registered, class attending, homework procrastinating, test cramming student.

Please join me in feeling a few of the emotions present when I think about this...

calling all blog-stalkers...

So I keep hearing about those blog-stalkers out there. Yes, you know who you are. The problem is I don't. I realize that sometimes it takes a little more courage to leave a comment for all to see. Or maybe it's just that the comment is meant only for me. Either way, I figure I could solve your fear issues by posting an email address to send your comments to. That way you can blah blah as much as you'd like privately so no one else knows what a talker you really are. Or, if you so prefer, you can leave a comment anonymously on the blog too.

Ok. Here's the email address: rudy.family@hotmail.com

Happy New School Year!

It seems I jinxed myself by saying the summer seemed too long. Now only two days and school is officially started. Origianlly I was so excited I almost couldn't contain myself. Not that anything so exciting is going to happen - the simple fact that I will finally get to do the most boring things without children is good enough. I will now be able to go grocery shopping without hearing "Pleeeease can we have that?" every five seconds, clean the house and know that it can stay that way for least two hours (compared to the normal 10 minutes), and pull weeds without having to worry the boys are inside throwing food or fighting.

So now what's the problem? Well, you know what they say about green grass....

Last night I had a sudden stress-out moment. Oh my! Only two days and every night the boys have to be in bed early enough to make sure they can get up and ready for school (stress out #1). Mason starts at 8 AM (ouch!) and will now be in school ALL day long. I have had many people mention to me how tired he will be while trying to get used to this (stress out #2) - add to the fact that he normally goes to bed around 10 at night - which I have been trying to change (stress out #3). Then there's the carpooling - something I've never really done before (stress out #4) but am suddenly going to have to learn because I am now doing one for Mason and Milo. That means if I forget to pick up the kids, it won't just be mine (stress out #5) - not that I do this all the time, but you know, what if? And I could just go on...

The biggest problem is that I didn't even realize I was having all these stresses. Sounds weird maybe, but the super busy summer has just made me forget I guess. But now that the summer is over I feel like real life is begining. And just how am I supposed to handle that (stress out #153-376...)? Oh, crazy is as crazy does I guess.

So I realize that my blog is not as exciting to read as it may once have been. Not that exciting is the right word. But before it was so easy for me to write because I didn't have to talk about myself ever. More about what was going on. The other day I was talking to a friend and we decided that we just don't like to share a whole lot about our personal lives. Of course it's easy to share little stories here and there or recent events of the family. But one of my favorite blogs is the one I read that tells all about every feeling and every thought the girl is feeling. So I know what will make my blog one of those that everyone wants to read, I just don't know if I am the person who wants that. Or maybe just not the person who can do that. Sometimes I think about posting a thought I have here or there - but then I immediatly think not to for fear that I will be that blog that people read to have their "Debbie Downer" moments. Or that people will feel like they have to leave me uplifting, happy, "you are so strong" comments. And I don't want people to feel like that - nor do I want to make people depressed while reading my blog.

But I was persuaded tonight by a friend who vowed to be a little more personal in her blogs - if she can do it why can't I? I will warn you though, don't get your expectations too high here - big things like this can't really happen overnight I suppose. So for my first big "feelings" blog I am going to get a little creative - me being my random self and all. Every day or so I hear a song and think, "Oh, this is so what I am thinking." So I decided to make a little songlist. My thoughts in a mix CD. I realize that this might not help everyone since some songs may be ones you haven't heard of - and some songs might just have a few songs I relate to - but hey, no complaining - it's better than nothing!

dreaming with a broken heart - john mayer

everybody knows - dixie chicks

i still miss you - keith anderson

so hard - dixie chicks

everybody - keith urban

doesn't remind me - audioslave

just a dream - carrie underwood

wish you were here - incubus

Ok. I think that's all i can think of for now. And although these songs all appear to be more on the thoughtful and i might say somewhat depressing side - I don't generally feel this way. I think that whatever it is I feel it cannot really be described (maybe that's why I tried using songs instead) and yet I don't wish anyone to fell sorry for me or like I'm moping. I really feel normal - whatever that means right? But that's how I feel. Obviously I seem that a comparable situation is that a tornado has come through my life and spun everything around. But what do you do with that. You can't just sit around and stare at the broken mess around you. At some point you have to get up and start cleaning.

Well, well - for one not into sharing feelings so much I sure have a lot to blab about. So until my next Mix CD - I leave you with one of my new favorite quotes...